All Falls Down..............

Who would of tho0ught, I mean who would have thought that it was so easy, this easy to completely ruin someones life works or work with such a simple selfish alienated, act of ones incompetent, childish, immature, behavior.

With that one act, all falls down, everything worked hard was completely destroyed, and relationships were broken. I've spent nearly two years, almost two whole years working towards that goal. Attempting to obtain a "spot" within "So" and this was accomplished soley by working hard academically for hours and hours on end with that one goal in the back of my mind unconsciously pushing me further, and further academically, motivating my every move and thoughts about the working world. When I finally came to that goal, I had accomplished obtaining a spot in "So", which is one of my lifes goals of course.

This was so easily and quickly taken away due to someones' ignorance. Now what? ive been left completely with nothing to show for my two years of academic achievement within the last two weeks of school. Who the hell cares about grades being high? Obtaining a spot within places of prestige is obviously more important within the working world. Having A's or a million A+'s wont pay for your mortgage, feed your family, fix your car when it breaks, or purchase you the latest consumer items to satisfy materialistic needs.

My situation sucks, its very grim for me of course but they are not even close, not for a second close, to the situation of "So" who's spent a large portion of his/her life dedicated to building those hard to establish relationships that were broken or damaged heavily, resulting in the current situation or matter.

I feel completely bad, for even attempting to contact any of my colleagues (Nakanama) to tell them about my situation or what happened. When it comes down to it at the end of the day its my problem, my situation and not theirs. I called "So" left a message saying for "So" to call me explaining how the day was a the "worst" (worst day of my life continued from the previous day) and a loss, as well as how I needed someone to talk to.

Sadly, there was no reply in the form of a call back which made me realize that I'm a weak fool for even attempting to show defeat, or weakness to someone of that importance. That resounding fact doesn't hurt me at all, "I got what I deserved" in a sense I jumped into the belly of the beast that I've been avoiding with stylish, suave swagger to not be consumed, which would result in the memory of a "Hero" that could.

Either voices would be really good right now for me. The first one, who's voice speaks nothing but about never giving up, constantly motivating me to move forward, and leaving failures in the past. The biggest motivational support source I know of within my life currently, and then theres "So" who's voice is just soothing and is a form of release, self gratifying content. Well theres only two weeks left of school, I guess all I can do is "Soldier it out" and work as hard as I can, even though my main goal was completely devoured by an un-defeat able beast. which was summoned by the last boss.

For all the longing in the world will not bring back those relationships or my employment at "So" I cant help but feel bitter for a while, the pain and defeat is still too sharp, raw and the sting is way too fresh.